I have had an issue with meeting new people and going to new places a challenge all my life but over the last few years it has got worse.
I have always been really concious about the way I walk and the way I move as I'll be honest it is different to most people, I lean to the right and my balance is awful at times which causes me to be very clumsy and when I am having a bad day my anxiety is so bad.
When I have to go somewhere and I know about it a few days in advance I start thinking about it all the time, which way am I going to drive to the destination and how many people are going to be there and how big will the crowds be.
I even evaluate supermarkets, before I go in as I drive into the car park I am scanning for the nearest parking place near the door or next to one of the trolley parks so I can quickly get out of my car and grab a trolley. I am much more confident when Hollie ( My Partner ) is around as she stares at anybody who looks at me and she makes them feel like shit which is always funny but in the back of my mind she gives me so much confidence as I know she is looking around so I don't have to so I can concentrate on my walking.
The anxiety is really bad when I am on my own. I dread when Hol can't be with me when I go out as I know I have to deal with the looks and the stares on my own and still get on with what I need to do. Sometimes you just want to drop down to the floor and scream why me as your brain says don't worry and just ignore all the shallow bastards but it is so hard as that is all you have ever lived with.
I will continue my fight with Anxiety and I will post more blogs around anxiety as I think people hide the truth of the problem and I will talk honestly about the struggles surrounding it.
Please find me on twitter @Myroylelife